The mysterious 'it'

Jayachandra's Blog
I want to say it and clear any air of confusion, but I feel,
    air of confusion is the only thing that can save my skin if I fail.
I am selfish to have it all for myself, but I feel,
    then I'd be restricting other's freedom to choose
I dream of a cordial return for it, but I feel,
    before anything I should prove myself
I want to express it aloud, but I feel,
    *that* being tacit makes it more enjoyable

So what then is 'it'? but as I said, 'it' is mysterious for the above reasons

;-)
Jaya