Guilty Feeling...
Jayachandra's Blog
Its 10:10pm now and I sit here in a state of deep mental agony. A feeling of guilty. The week before last I borrowed camcorder from my best buddy Bindu, hoping I'd do miraculous documentary movies. (I should have looked my face in a mirror when I got that idea, damn me!). Without a second word she got the camcorder and very carefully handed it over to me. I've kept it with me, but didn't do anything productive with it (to do anything God damn sucker that I am, should know how to operate it in the first place). I left home last friday for New year and didn't return the camcorder to Bindu. She sure would have put it to use on the New Year Eve had I deposited it back with her before I left home. New Year eve passed by, and its 6th of January today. Blame it on my shamelessness that I didn't return it back to her till she called me today evening to ask if she could get her camcorder back for an event thats due tomorrow. I said I'd be at her office in 10mins when the time in my machine showed 8:30p.m but I after the said 10mins I just started from my office. She did call me to say her cab arrived and as if its my car that I sent to pick her up, I told her to keep the cab on hold for 2mins so that I can come and return her camcorder. I reached mindspace later after some 5-6mins but why would the cab would give a darn to a senseless shitty piece of earthily matter whose name is Jayachandra. By the time I reached her office, the cab probably left. Cursing myself that I might have missed her, I vainly tried her office number (she doesn't have a mobile number these days). Tried it so many times that the last iota of charge with which my stupid mobile handset is surviving also ran out. After waiting outside the gate watching every cab that passed past me to find Bindu in it, I headed back to my office at around 9:30pm. If for just that 15-20mins I waited to locate Bindu in front of her office I became so uneasy then I began to think how much might I have irritated her for about half an hour before 9pm after promising that I'd be present there and not being there in time.
Its 10:10pm now and I sit here in a state of deep mental agony. A feeling of guilty. The week before last I borrowed camcorder from my best buddy Bindu, hoping I'd do miraculous documentary movies. (I should have looked my face in a mirror when I got that idea, damn me!). Without a second word she got the camcorder and very carefully handed it over to me. I've kept it with me, but didn't do anything productive with it (to do anything God damn sucker that I am, should know how to operate it in the first place). I left home last friday for New year and didn't return the camcorder to Bindu. She sure would have put it to use on the New Year Eve had I deposited it back with her before I left home. New Year eve passed by, and its 6th of January today. Blame it on my shamelessness that I didn't return it back to her till she called me today evening to ask if she could get her camcorder back for an event thats due tomorrow. I said I'd be at her office in 10mins when the time in my machine showed 8:30p.m but I after the said 10mins I just started from my office. She did call me to say her cab arrived and as if its my car that I sent to pick her up, I told her to keep the cab on hold for 2mins so that I can come and return her camcorder. I reached mindspace later after some 5-6mins but why would the cab would give a darn to a senseless shitty piece of earthily matter whose name is Jayachandra. By the time I reached her office, the cab probably left. Cursing myself that I might have missed her, I vainly tried her office number (she doesn't have a mobile number these days). Tried it so many times that the last iota of charge with which my stupid mobile handset is surviving also ran out. After waiting outside the gate watching every cab that passed past me to find Bindu in it, I headed back to my office at around 9:30pm. If for just that 15-20mins I waited to locate Bindu in front of her office I became so uneasy then I began to think how much might I have irritated her for about half an hour before 9pm after promising that I'd be present there and not being there in time.
posted by Jayachandra at 9:38 AM
1 Comments:
when I read again my post, it does look over paranoid. But that day I was so sick and tired of my inaction. To tell the truth, i simply wasted those 10 or 15mins at my desk browsing internet though I knew I had to start immediately.
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